I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
