dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
