Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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