oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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