dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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