I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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