Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
