I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
