so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
