why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
