she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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