It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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