chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
