Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
