singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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