Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
