My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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