I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
