I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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