halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
