We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
