he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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