the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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