I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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