I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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