and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
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You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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