He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
