So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
