dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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