Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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