dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
