so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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