Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize