I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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