we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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