My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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