omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
two words...techno handjob
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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