SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
