My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
FUCK WHALES
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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