im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
