Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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