3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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