Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
