To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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