Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Blood and glitter go together right?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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