Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
