I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
