I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
