who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
