Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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