I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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