Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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