What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
