I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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