Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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