You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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