Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm passing your future prison.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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