yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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