I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
