yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Everything about him screamed your future.
You're like the curious george of whores
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
