I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
