I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
