mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
