So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
