You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm bleeding and have questions
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