It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
