I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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