Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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