Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i will never coherently bang her
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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