Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
