Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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