that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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