just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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