thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
