don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
