just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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