I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
