I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
