make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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