there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
