He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
