my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
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The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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