He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
