Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
