High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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