i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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