apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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