We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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