Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
